i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
