if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
