i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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