im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had sex on a roof
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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