Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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