I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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