Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
