She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
