everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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