If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize