i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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