mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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