The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
