Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
