i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
