I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize