we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
