The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
