: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize