There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
True strength comes from lack of pants
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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