Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
