Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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