just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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