I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
