My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
