she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
