I cockslap morals
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize