im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
