I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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