I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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