I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
