If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
