I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
