I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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