so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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