i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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