and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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