Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someone shattered a urinal.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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