I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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