Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
