Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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