It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize