he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
