Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
