that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize