Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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