I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
