How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
