Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
