Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
