Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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