he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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