Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
