u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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