Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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