she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize