Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
