But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
