see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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