2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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