I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm passing your future prison.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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