I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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