Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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