Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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