Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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