I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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