So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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