so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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