I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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