Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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