You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
