Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
