Please, let me fuck your mom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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