the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
