We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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