Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
