I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
