when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
