When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
