So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
