Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
