Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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