Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
