I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
