my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
