I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
