The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
