I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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